It’s not David Cameron’s fault he’s more important than you

1. Unlike the idiot public, Mr Cameron can afford fancy lawyers that can move Mr Cameron’s money into offshore tax havens. Is that Mr Cameron’s problem? Of course not. Maybe the idiot public should work a bit harder, earn some real money and then you can hire some la-di-da lawyer and be a real man of the people like Mr Cameron is.

2.  As Prime Minister, Mr Cameron is the most important man in the country – Mr Cameron has regular meetings with the queen – the most important woman in the country. He doesn’t and shouldn’t care what a Mr Derick Northerner from Doncaster thinks of his b******t Tory policies. And why should he? What on earth does Derick Northerner from Doncaster know or anyone else of the lesser classes that dare to question the logical, thoughtful thinking of Mr Cameron.

3. Obviously Mr Cameron does not know what it’s like to not be rich – Mr Cameron has never been a peasant that has had to work 90 hours in a week just to put food on the table for his family – so how is Mr Cameron supposed to sympathize with people who don’t earn over £100k a year? Why should a self-respecting man like Mr Cameron sympathize with these people? It’s baffling to think the idiot public expect this from the Prime Minister in this day and age – Mr Cameron’s status alone makes him sufficiently more important then any members of the idiot public.

4. For all you members of the idiot public who are on Mr Cameron’s back about the Panama Papers [metaphorically of course, no peasant of the public is allowed their grubby hands on Mr Cameron’s £10,000 suit]. Yes, Mr Cameron inherited £300,000 from his millionaire stockbroker father who used his own governmental and city connections in order to set up offshore tax havens in order to avoid paying tax – obviously your father should have had the same foresight, it’s not Mr Cameron’s problem, it’s yours.

5. In five years time when he is not our beloved Prime Minister anymore, (Mr Cameron has already gallantly declared that he will not run for Prime Ministers office again so as to let someone else have a chance to be the most important and well-respected man in the country),  Mr Cameron will no longer be deemed a ‘public servant’ to the idiot public therefore Mr Cameron will be able to open up as many offshore accounts as he deems necessary. So does it really matter if Mr Cameron open’s up the odd offshore account every now and again whilst he’s in office? Of course not, just because the idiot public is not intelligent enough to earn some extra money doesn’t mean Mr Cameron shouldn’t be allowed to.

6. Only the very best and most intelligent young men get into Eton College – nobody has ever gotten into Eton based on how much money their parents earn and are willing to pay. Mr Cameron is obviously one of the most intelligent people in Britain – Mr Cameron deserves his wealth, in fact, Mr Cameron deserves more wealth – please everyone dig deep and send our Prime Minster some more money – Derick Northern from Doncaster that includes you too.

7. Mr Cameron’s duties to the idiot public will soon be recognized by the most important woman in our country – the queen – and our great Mr Cameron will be made Sir Cameron, so gather your respect quickly, no man who has been knighted by the queen has ever been a bad man, that’s a fact.

8. Mr Cameron’s heroic butchery in the Middle East ensures that Great Britain becomes a safer and safer place each passing day. Mr Cameron takes the pound of flesh he has earned from plundering dishonest, terrorist harbouring, scum states such as Libya. And why shouldn’t he? Mr Cameron is making the idiot public safer, another fact for you.

9. Yes, Mr Cameron has been less than generous to the disabled, young people, old people, middle aged people, small business owners, medium business owners, large business owners, immigrants, foreign people, child abuse victims, environmentalists  – but at least he hasn’t boiled people alive like Idi Amin or enslaved his idiot public like Pol Pot did.

10. Some say that Mr Cameron instructed Winston Churchill on how to win World War Two and that Mr Cameron went to school with millionaire philanthropist and all around nice guy Richard Roper. All we really know is that Mr Cameron is a man of the idiot public, Mr Cameron’s duty in life has always been to serve the idiot public and fortunately for all you members of the idiot pubic out there – Mr Cameron doesn’t care what you think. Now do be good chaps and send over your money to Mr Cameron quickly or else maybe Mr Cameron will have to invest some of his plundering’s into a human sized boiling pot.

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